I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
