I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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