spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
