We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
