yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
