Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
