He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
