Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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