Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
