Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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