Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
