um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
