Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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