Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
