Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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