I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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