No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you never un-have a 4some
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
