Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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