I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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