I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
