so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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