The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
