does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
