you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
