Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
