I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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