remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
