I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
