omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
