I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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