I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
