First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
