I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
