areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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