I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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