i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize