She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
