She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
