who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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