I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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