oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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