so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
