you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
