Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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