Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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