Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
