can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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