wakey wakey hands off snakey
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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