I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
