so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
