i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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