i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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