Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
