He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
