I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
