How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need a beard to bite.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
