When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
