Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
