GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
