I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
