I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
