We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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