I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
