Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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