I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
