dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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