So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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