He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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