Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
