Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
