well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm always down for nudity.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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