I looked at my own cervix.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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