How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My feet surprised me
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