Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
