totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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