Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
