my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize