How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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