He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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