They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
love makes seman taste better
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
