i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
