why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
