If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
