Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
