she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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