im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
