Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
