all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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