the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
