There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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