Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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