I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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