Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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