# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
