I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize