I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
